Welcome to the Valley of Death, My Friends: Final SEC Predictions!!

Sniff, sniff…. It’s the final week of the regular season in the SEC! That means (until about two weeks’ time), I can’t make fun of Auburn, Arkansas, Kentucky or Tennessee and their ineptitude or if they should fire their coaches. But this week is traditional rivarly time, and we can’t wait for the Texas A&M vs Texas  vs Missouri game. We can’t wait to hear ‘Saw Varsity’s Horn’s Off’ at full volume, although it’ll be more like “Saaaaw Tigers’ Claws Off!!” to create some sort of rivalry. I bet people must think: “Who cares about Texas A&M vs Texas?! We can have Texas vs TCU and Texas A&M vs Missouri instead!”. I don’t care who’s fault it was that the

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The SEC loves Stanford and Baylor!! SEC Power Rankings

The SEC loves you, Stanford. Thank you for silencing Autzen. The SEC loves you, Baylor. Thank you for silencing the ‘Collin Klein for Heisman’ chants. Replace this with ‘ Johnny For Heisman’. This week was one of the most meaningful in the SEC …. without a lot of meaningful games in the SEC. Anyway, here are the rankings… 1) Bama 2) Georgia 3) LSU 4) UF 5) TAMU 6) USC 7) MSU 8) Vandy 9) Ole Miss 10) Mizzou 11) Tenn. 12) Arky 13) UK 14) Aub 1) Alabama – Ripped apart Western Carolina (who were 1-9 in the FCS, by the way). Biggest result for the Tide was BOTH Oregon and Baylor losing on Saturday. 2) Georgia – Ripped

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Can Tennessee revive a little of its season? SEC Football Predictions

Right, it’s going to be a quick bunch of predictions this week, because if you’re a (or an, for grammar’s sake!): FLORIDA fan and your team can’t beat JACKSONVILLE STATE at home GEORGIA fan and your team can’t beat the triple-optioning, cut-blocking, GEORGIA SOUTHERN at home TEXAS A&M fan and your team, with Johnny Football, Ryan The Receiver and KevinGod, can’t beat SAM HOUSTON STATE at home ALABAMA fan and your team’s  got Nick ‘Not As Imperious As We First Thought’ Saban as your coach, can’t beat WESTERN CAROLINA at home SOUTH CAROLINA fan and you’ve got Jadeveon Clown-Man Clowney on your team, can’t beat WOFFORD at home AUBURN fan and, despite all that’s gone wrong to your team –

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Rammer Jammer Slammered: SEC Rankings

Rammer Jammer Yellow Hammer, What in the **** happened, Alabama? Tuscaloosa was full of sad faces as Texas A&M knocked off Alabama in the Game Of The Season (sorry, LSU game from last week!). But there were happy faces in Ole Miss (from Vandy fans, because their victory in Oxford ensured that they were bowl eligible for the second straight time – the first time this has happened in program history), Auburn (because Alabama lost, and from visiting Georgia fans because they won handily at Jordan-Hare), and other places in the SEC (because Alabama lost). The only people super-furious, we should think, were Mike Slive and the SEC, because a) The SEC Championship Game is not going to be the

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After The Game Of The Century: Week 11 SEC Predictions

Well, what a week that was. Ole Miss got our hearts pumped by taking a 10 point lead at Georgia….and then conceded 37. Missouri got our hearts pumped by taking a 7 point lead at Florida…..and then conceded 14. LSU and Alabama got our hearts pumped that we actually felt sorry for the loser. Anyway, the SEC is back this week with no particular ‘heavyweight’ battles, although everyone seems to be looking forward to seeing how Johnny Manziel will cope with Alabama’s defense – which was actually a lot less of a ‘machine’ in Death Valley. If you’re listening to music, we guide you Mumford & Sons’ classic “Little Lion Man” , with the great line: “We ****ed it up

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The days after Armageddon: SEC Rankings (With apologies)

First Alabama – LSU happened. Then Obama happened. Sorry boys and gals, we haven’t been as up-to-date as we should be with our SEC rankings. Anyway, here they are… 1. Alabama – Survived LSU. You have to wonder what John Chavis was doing playing soft coverage though in that last drive. 2 = Georgia – Woke up from a 10-0 deficit against Ole Miss to hammer Ole Reb 37-10 in a performance that got stronger by the minute. We look forward to the SEC Championship Game, Dawgs. 2= LSU – A team very like Georgia who only woke up in the second half of the Alabama game. Atmosphere second-to-none in Death Valley, by the way. Good on you, LSU fans.

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Bama – LSU Prediction: Week 10 Predictions

It’s a busy week, so here’s some quick picks for y’all to get your teeth into…. ALABAMA AT LSU  For a college football romantic like me, there’s no place on earth like LSU’s Tiger Stadium. Some people will die never experiencing it, and for us, their lives will be all the poorer for not doing so. After all, there’s something to be said for drinking bourbon from sunrise to sunset! And the place – already famed for its loudness – is going to off the hook for the benefit for the visit of top-ranked Alabama and its hated head coach Nick Saban, is ready to give the Crimson Tide everything it can handle. Alabama hasn’t played in this type of

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Dawgs bark, Tide rolls, Gators chomped, Everyone prays: SEC Rankings (Week 9)

It was a horrible week in the SEC. After Ole Miss tries to recover from the car crash that killed THREE of its students in a car crash, news comes out this weekend that brother and sister both die in a car crash. RIP, Sarah and James Wheat. Prayers are with the Wheat family. Second, Marcus Lattimore gets a horror show of an injury in South Carolina’s game against Tennessee. You mean, the kid needs MORE HARDSHIP, God? The injury is gruesome. If you really want to see, it, click here (for the record, we haven’t even watched it again). From a football perspective, this deprives South Carolina of a much-needed weapon. From a human perspective, this may well deprive the

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Will Bulldogs bark in Jacksonville and Alabama? Week 9 Preview

PAAAAARTAAAAAAAAY! It’s Cocktail Party Weekend in Jacksonville, which means that Georgia and Florida fans will be getting together for football and fighting all weekend long this weekend. Avoid The Landing at all costs, if you value your sanity. Anyways, as it’s a Party weekend, we’re going to go all party-themed for this round of SEC Predictions. Last week we weren’t too bad, folks. THE “WORLD’S BIGGEST OUTDOOR COCKTAIL PARTY FEATURING LOTS OF HOTTIES IN RED, BLACK, ORANGE AND BLUE DRESSES” PARTY – Georgia vs Florida Georgia’s wasn’t bad beating Kentucky. It was awful. And they went into the BCS Top 10 despite this, too. And while Florida’s 44-11 victory of South Carolina was definitely helped by FOUR Gamecocks turnovers (which

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As Gators chomp, Aggies get ‘Les Miles-ed’ and Tide Roll – Week 8 SEC Rankings

We would go on and on about Steve Spurrier getting Spurrier-ed in The Swamp, Texas A&M finding out what it’s like when you don’t put away a team led by Les Miles, and how awful Georgia was at Kentucky, but we’ll let the rankings reflect our rambling thoughts. 1) Alabama – Darth Saban’s Crimson Death Star is blowing up every rebel ship in its way. This team seems to make no mistakes and is happy to simply crush the opposition – as Tennessee found out in a 31-point blow-out. And the women love it!!! 2) Florida – Will Muschamp’s side gets the turnovers, and then punishes those making the mistakes savagely and without mercy. The eternal sound on CBS on the

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