The SEC is a megachurch, a denomination, and a religion

It’s nighttime in Death Valley. The War Eagle Flies. We’re running through the T. We’re chomping. We’re asking how ‘bout them Dawgs. We’re clanging, pig sooein’, rammer jammerin’, Ole miss by damn’. We’re a 12th Man, the ZOU in MIZ, a Commodore, and a Wildcat. There’s even 2001 or maybe a Sandstorm. Our churches aren’t small. They are megachurches, holding a screaming congregation that will bury you with noise. They’ve even been allowed some in-game communion wine to add to their palates during services now. It should make Saturday church a little louder. When they win with a God-given upset, they jump over railings, get stuck in hedges, surf goalposts through crowded streets and toilet paper trees. When they lose,

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The SEC needs a nine-game conference schedule

Beyond the transfers, the head coaches, the stadium reductions and the backhanders to recruits, the NCAA can change something else that would really take the sport a step forward: The schedules. The ACC and SEC play 8 in-conference games and 4 non-conference games, while the Big Ten, Pac-12 and Big XII all play nine. Gus Malzahn and Nick Saban both expressed a preference for nine games. In fact, Nick Saban has been lobbying for it since 2012, while Gus Malzahn last year admitted he’s had a Damascus experience on scheduling (probably because Auburn’s is so arduous year after year): “Nine I think is best for us moving forward to make the schedules more equal across the conference.” Kirby Smart of

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Will Kelly Bryant stay after Missouri’s punishment?

The biggest question stemming from the NCAA’s recent announcement that Missouri would be banned from the 2019 postseason is: Will Kelly Bryant stay with the Tigers? The bylaws allow him to transfer without penalty, so he could take off and start at one of Missouri’s SEC rivals immediately. Although Missouri is in a powerhouse division with Georgia and a revamped Florida, the arrival of Bryant signalled to Missouri programs that the team was on the up-and-up – maybe towards a New Year’s Six Bowl Game. However, with the rules of a postseason ban, the only non-regular season game the transfer from Clemson will see will be on his TV. Sources are saying that Bryant will stay, but unless Bryant makes

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Missouri hit with postseason ban for 2019

Missouri has been hit with a postseason ban for 2019 by the NCAA over academic infractions. According to the NCAA, an academic tutor at the Columbia-based school completed academic work for “12 student athletes”, including completing online coursework that “included assignments, quizzes or exams”. The organisation added: “She completed an entire course for one student-athlete and completed portions of a placement exam for two student-athletes.” The NCAA also hit Mizzou with three years of probation, a vacation of records in which football, baseball and softball student-athletes competed while ineligible, a 5% reduction in the amount of scholarships in each of the football, baseball and softball programs during the 2019-20 academic year, recruiting restrictions which included a seven-week ban on unofficial visits,

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SEC bitchiness took over the College Football Play-Off

If you believe in such thing as social media noise, then Twitter shouted the loudest. And in particular, the insufferable yelling came from the SEC – and most particularly Georgia and Alabama fans. RANT NO.1: WHY WASN’T GEORGIA IN THE NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP PLAY-OFF AHEAD OF NOTRE DAME? Georgia fans were screaming their nuts off about the fact that Notre Dame’s blow-out by Clemson meant that they should have been in the blow-out instead of the Irish. “They don’t even have their own conference” said some. “How could the Committee talk about the best four teams? Sure Georgia, in their loss to Alabama, showed that they are one of the best teams in the country?”, groused another. “Notre Dame didn’t play anyone this

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Why EVERY SEC team will win its bowl game

I love the bowl time of year. I get to ignore politics for a few hours and sit and balance a beer on my belly and watch college football. This is a beautiful time to be a SEC fan. We get to generally see a National Champion, and we get to celebrate by haunting others with our war cry: “SEC! SEC! SEC!”. I was going to go for a long, weaving preview of every bowl, but I realised that this (might) suffice. So here we go – Why EVERY SEC will win its bowl game. Why Vanderbilt (-4)will beat Baylor: Vanderbilt can stop someone, Baylor can’t. Vanderbilt’s got one of the most underrated running backs in college football in Ke’Shawn Vaughn,

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National Signing Day: It’s an Alabama and Georgia World

Stop if you’ve heard this before about recruiting: It’s an Alabama and Georgia world, and everyone else just lives in it. Every time there was a tweet from the two schools’ Twitter during the National Signing Day flurry, there was another four or five-star recruit that wanted to play for Nick Saban or Kirby Smart. Everywhere you looked, the Crimson Tide and the Bulldogs were in everyone’s thoughts, and it seemed a rarity when a player decided to go elsewhere. Alabama pulled in five-star RB Trey Sanders, OT Evan Neal, and DE Antonio Alfano, while Georgia celebrated the signings of five stars OC Clay Webb, DE Jermaine Johnson, CB DJ Daniel, while DE Nolan Smith, LB Nakobe Dean, DT Travon Walker,

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Between the Devil and the Ball: The reign of Urban Meyer

Football loves winners. Sure, there are the celebrated losers (Charlie Weis in his time in Kansas), but we care more about the trophies, the Heismans, and the winners. After all, schools build their cathedrals because they like winning and let rich people know that they like winning, and will do anything for that. The rich people then put in their money for winning, and coaches are hired. Hopefully, the coaches win, and statues are created in their image, and the congregations bow down. Urban Meyer was a skilled high priest. He won three of them. The first two were at Florida, a program that was still recovering a little from Steve Spurrier’s departure. He took home two National Championships, three SEC Championships,

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Alabama OC Mike Locksley leaving for Maryland

Alabama offensive co-ordinator Mike Locksley is leaving to become the new head coach at Maryland. Locksley was given the Broyles Award earlier this week for being the country’s top assistant coach, helping the Crimson Tide to be one of the country’s best offensive teams. His crowning glory may well be on Saturday with Tua Tagovailoa is given the Heisman Award. “I am thrilled to be returning home and to have the opportunity to lead the Maryland Football program,” Locksley said in a statement. “This has always been a special place for me and my family, and I am honored to take on this role at the state’s flagship institution. Our goal is to create an atmosphere and environment focused on the

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Kelly Bryant chooses for Missouri over Auburn, Arkansas

Former Clemson QB Kelly Bryant has opted to play for Missouri Tigers in 2019 instead of Auburn and Arkansas. Bryant’s decision represents a massive pick-up for the Tigers, who will be without Drew Lock, who has finished his senior year. New OC Derek Dooley, taking over from Josh Heupel, who took over Scott Frost’s job at UCF, is credited with helping Lock play like a NFL quarterback of the future, and Bryant will be hoping for the same. Bryant, who threw for over 2,000 yards and 13 TDs in his junior year in Death Valley before getting injured, decided to transfer from Death Valley after he was replaced by freshman Trevor Lawrence. Auburn fans will probably blame Bryant’s decision on the

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