The SEC: Consistently Inconsistent

I’ll be honest, it’s damned hard to work out the SEC this year. That’s because almost everyone’s really inconsistent.

For example: Arkansas go and beat Ole Miss and then get massacred on the road to Auburn. They also had the chances to beat Texas A&M and killed themselves offensively, and then defensively, they killed themselves against Alabama. So what do we know about Bret Bielema’s side? Borderline – and very – erratic. And Bielema himself gets abused by his own professors. Which is kinda awesome.

Then there’s Tennessee, who were some people’s dark horse pick to go to the Play-Off, but haven’t put together four good quarters of football all season long. That means that it’s been extremely exciting for the Neyland faithful, but also very irritating. The injuries probably didn’t help when it came to playing Alabama at home (and getting crucified).

Of course, who could forget Ole Miss, who had two great halves of football against Florida State and Alabama….and are 0-2 in those games. They beat the living crap out of Georgia, but then lost a fun, fun, fun, fun game to Arkansas. And then were driven over (literally) but LSU.

Then there’s LSU, who were in such a dire situation they fired Les Miles. They are unbeaten since then – even though you should probably forget that all the Tigers’ games so far have been in the friendly confines of Death Valley. And that the Auburn loss probably wasn’t a bad one at all.

Florida got headlines so far for two things: 1) Getting into a fight with LSU about playing the game. 2) Saying crap to Tennessee and then blowing a big lead against a rival who really, really hates them. The consistency has come from the D, which is generally awesome. The offense? Yeah…so….

And Auburn? Their defense was incredible against Clemson, but the offense sputtered until it blew up for two weeks in a row, crushing Mississippi State and Arkansas. But Gus Malzahn’s got this team whirring, and it’s getting pretty good. One thing consistent is the idiots that seem to live on The Plains – especially the German arsonist d***head (hey, he’s a d***head, he’s German, and he’s an arsonist) who decided to burn one of the Toomer’s Oaks down.

Vanderbilt looked to be the model of consistency – the bad kind – until they played well enough to beat Georgia. So they’ve broken their SEC donut for this year. The defense is looking good. The offense is horrible. Should Derek Mason go be a defensive co-ordinator at a big, big school somewhere?

Texas A&M‘s kicker was hilarious(ly BAD) against Tennesee. The Aggies were punished for their errors against ‘Bama, who completely shut down their run game. Listen, if anyone told an Aggie fan they’d only have a loss this season so far they would have bitten your hand off. This Aggies side is pretty damned good, folks.

Georgia‘s a team who thought would be horrible this year because of their lack of line, but managed to look pretty good on those fronts against Tennessee and North Carolina (they ended up 1-1), but bizarrely looked crappy against Nicholls State and the aforementioned VandyAnchors. Oh, and we’ve definitely seen some dumbass decisionmaking from Kirby Smart. Like – let’s do a toss-sweep to Isaiah McKenzie on a 4th and 1 with the game on the line. Or throwing it IN THEIR OWN END-ZONE against Tennessee. Or a celebration penalty against Tennessee that would end up helping to cost them the game.

And Missouri? They are plain awful. Or is it grain awful? Anyway, the decision to change a perfectly good defensive situation is a JOKE, and the offense AIN’T A LOT BETTER. Losing to Middle Tennessee State may mean the Tigers don’t go to a bowl game for the second year in a row. Will the Tigers end their nine-game SEC losing streak soon? Er, against who?

South Carolina can’t get an offense moving in the SEC.

Kentucky can’t stop anyone on defense, but they are the most secretly fun team to watch in the SEC. Well, maybe them and Ole Miss and Arkansas.

Mississippi State‘s actually won a game in the SEC and played in a SECRETLY BAD/GREAT game against Kentucky last Saturday. That they lost.

And the one team that’s inconsistent. You may have heard them before. They’ve won 41 NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIPS, and they look odds-on to win NUMBER FORTY TWO. If there’s an offense that can capitalize on their mistakes, we’d like to fit in. Because at the moment, it’s Alabama and the rest. Why? Because Nick Saban’s the best head coach in the country and Lane Kiffin’s probably the best offensive co-ordinator. Steve Sarkasian, who’s also a very good OC, has sobered up enough to come on board as an advisor, and Jeremy Pruitt’s defenses are opportunistic, fast, and good. Oh, and the players ain’t bad either.