The SEC would love to have Week 1 back
Right, we here at the SEC would like to have Week 1 back.
Sure, some of the schools are 1-0 and some are not, but none of our teams were particularly great, and some of them – even in victory – couldn’t seem to get their collective asses off the ground.
Anyway, here’s ranking how every team in the conference did this week, in order of performance:
- Alabama (win vs USC)- The Alabama fans were ready to lynch Lane Kiffin, right until the USC QB threw a pick-6 and the Crimson Tide to shreds. It wasn’t a complete performance, but if this was considered as a bad performance after Week One, then the rest of college football is in trouble. Oh, and this Hurts kid looks good, people….
- Texas A&M (win vs UCLA) – The wide receivers are good, and the defense – especially that Myles Garrett kid – are great. But they HAVE to play for four quarters. Listen, they were lucky – UCLA had so many chances to win this game even before free football – but wins are wins.
- Georgia (win vs North Carolina)- Nick Chubb’s pretty damned good, y’all. Which is good, because the defense isn’t that great. And Kirby Smart hasn’t worked out who’s the good quarterback – the veteran with a pea-arm, or the kid with the cannon. We’ll go with the cannon, but maybe that’s just us.
- Auburn (loss vs Clemson) – Look, I thought the Tigers would get shellacked at home to Clemson, but boy, was I wrong. The Tigers SHOULD have done more offensively, but Gus Malzahn doesn’t seem to have a clue as to who his starting quarterback should be. In our view, it definitely shouldn’t be Sean White. He sucks. But the defensive line? Wow.
- South Carolina (win vs Vanderbilt) – HEY. WE DIDN’T EXPECT MUSCHAMP TO GET A WIN HERE.
- Ole Miss (loss vs Florida State) – Well, the first half looked great, didn’t it? The rest of it – not so pretty. Chad Kelly went from Heisman to Fliesman in the space of a half. Or Florida State simply made the sort of adjustments that should make everyone else very, very afraid.
- Florida (win vs UMass) – When the best moment of the game was Steve Spurrier doing the Usain Bolt before the game and Steve Spurrier’s interview with the SEC Network during the game, you know what’s happening on the game stank like a swamp
- Missouri (loss vs West Virginia) – This team isn’t going to be very good this year, but the offense actually looked like it could move a little. That’s why the Tigers tripled their entire 2015 scoring total in one game this year.
- Arkansas (ONE-POINT win vs Louisiana Tech) – Should have lost this game, but didn’t. What will happen against a TCU game that should have lost to South Dakota State this week? Probably the shoot-out of the century.
- Vanderbilt (loss vs South Carolina) – The reason why it’s not higher? Vandy’s best chance to win a SEC game this season was in Week One against an ordinary South Carolina team. And they blew it.
- Kentucky (loss vs Southern Miss) – Dazzling in first half, played like they were blind in the second half. Only had under 15 plays in the second half as Southern Miss destroyed them on both sides of the ball. And you know what? What we say is true. We watched it. It wasn’t even funny.
- Tennessee (win vs Appalachian State) – The Volunteers got very, very lucky. They should have ‘done a Michigan’ and lost on Thursday night. But they didn’t, and they are 1-0. It’ll be interesting to see if Butch Jones can turn it around against Florida. He’ll need to.
- LSU (loss vs Wisconsin) – We loved Les Miles so much that we hoped and prayed he’d stay in Baton Rouge for another season. We hated Cam Cameron last year and the year before. Miles should have fired Cameron, and didn’t. In fact, this Spring he actually RE-UPPED Cameron’s contract for another three years where he’ll get paid around $1.2 million per year. He took a pay-cut of $300,000, but he shouldn’t have had it renewed in the first place. And the result? Brandon Harris is STILL the starting quarterback at LSU, despite sucking ass yet again.
- Mississippi State (loss vs South Alabama) – This isn’t about a 5-star player getting banned for beating the crap out of a woman during the off-season. This is about a coach who has made it clear he doesn’t care about life in Starkville….so much so that he interviewed for other jobs. Recruits aren’t going to care as this happens, are they? Oh, and Dak Prescott’s left.