All Hail The Kings of the SEC!
“Long Live The King!”
“Long Live The King!”
“Long Live The King!”
The damned British can’t stop yelling that today. Frankly, I’ve got too much of a hangover from the non-Mexican Mexican holiday of Cinco De Mayo, which gave me far too much excuse to get wasted on margaritas and eat at taco from which I am, ahem, not feeling great this morning.
In my daze, I wrote down who were the 14 Kings of the SEC. We’re taking out the crazy boosters, because Texas isn’t here yet.
Anyway, here we are:
ALABAMA
Bear Bryant: Bear Bryant’s “The Bear”. Nick Saban can bring 20 National Championships to Tuscaloosa in the next 20 years, but he ain’t The Bear, and he never will be. Also, never seen that Nick Saban dude wear Houndstooth, neither.
ARKANSAS
Darren McFadden: The best running back the school has ever seen. Impossible to stop in 2007, he led the most exciting rushing duo (alongside Felix Jones) Fayetteville had ever seen.
AUBURN
Bo Jackson: Because Bo Knows Football (and baseball). If you don’t know what I’m talking about, check out the videos. Or find the ESPN documentary about him. The guy was Superman.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-RjFR-3GTRU
FLORIDA
Steve Spurrier: Anyone who coins the name ‘The Swamp’, changes the way college football was even thought of, owned Peyton Manning for four straight years, and went 11-1 against Georgia IS the King. He also won a Heisman trophy there, which might figure he was pretty good at playing his quarterbacking position, too.
GEORGIA
Kirby Smart AND Herschel Walker: Kirby Smart’s brought 2 straight Natties through dthe door and turned Georgia in the biggest recruiting juggernaut in college football. Herschel Walker ran through everybody, got the school their Natty in 1980, and helped Larry Munson throw out some pretty cool game calls.
KENTUCKY
Mark Stoops: Stoops has taken the Wildcats to seven straight bowl games, and made Kentucky a good place to go for players, not a place where quarterbacks go to die. In a world where bigger dinosaurs rule the Earth, there’s gotta be some love for the Stoopsasaurus.
LSU
Joe Burrow: There is actually an argument that Les Miles, with a 114-36 SEC record and a National Championship, would be The King. But he flew by the seat of his pants a lot of time, and was widely hated. Burrow, however, was a generational LSU QB, winning a Heisman, a Natty, and throwing for 5,600 yards and 60 TDs. And looked good smoking a cigar, too.
MISSISSIPPI STATE
Dak Prescott: We were going to go for Jackie Sherrill, but his 75-75 record and the fact that he was more (in)famous for his bad behavior at Texas A&M will get ignored. Dak is still one of the biggest names the Dallas Cowboys has ever seen. But at MSU, Prescott had back-to-back 3,400+ seasons, holds 38 school records, and is third-ever in SEC total yards. That’s pretty damned Kingly.
MISSOURI
Gary Pinkel: The Golden Era of Pinkel brought forth two SEC East Championships (giggles), 5 Big 12 North titles, and went to the College Football Hall of Fame. Oh, and Chase Daniel and Blaine Gabbert were under his tutelage. OK, so he didn’t get a damned field named after him, but he was pretty cool.
OLE MISS
Archie Manning: Because he’s still the coolest person on campus. Name me somewhere else where the speed limit honors a football player like him!
SOUTH CAROLINA
For his pure, unbridled entertainment value and the fact that he could conjure wins out of his ass in stunning fashion, we’d love to give it to Stephen Garcia, but we’d probably get letters.
George Rogers: South Carolina’s Heisman winner in 1980 who ran for 1,781 that year. Oh, and he got his number retired. During that season. And is the school’s all-time leading rusher. By a couple of thousand yards.
TENNESSEE
Peyton Manning: Won zero National Championships or SEC Championships with Tennessee, didn’t win the Heisman (Should have won it in 1997 (We still believe the Charles Woodson decision was B.S.), but during his time, dropped 11,201 yards and 89 touchdowns. And he also showed his commitment to Vol Nation by coming back for his senior year instead of waltzing off for NFL riches. He only had to wait a year more for that!
TEXAS A&M
Johnny Manziel: For all the 12th Man, weird yelling thingies and dog-cuddling that Aggie fans love to do at games, there was one player that not only reignited the program, but had us mightily entertained while doing so. That man was Johnny Manziel. ‘Johnny Football’ was David Copperfield on the turf, making defenders grasp at thin air before making plays that most people could never make. In his first year (the one that won the Heisman), he ran for 3,706 yards and 26 TDs with a completion percentage of over 68%. Oh, and he also ran for 1,400 and 21 TDs, too!
Johnny Manziel will remain talked about for the rest of his life by the 12th Man. And so he should be.
VANDERBILT
Dan McGugin: Around for 30+ years. Posted a 197-55 record. His reign finished in 1934, but nothing’s come all that close since in Nashville.