The biggest enemy of the SEC season? Gary Danielson

If there’s anything that unites SEC fans beyond a huge dislike of Yankees and a passion for bourbon, it’s Gary Danielson.

Almost everybody despise his take on games.

He’s the uncle that will give you a five minute weather report instead of simply answering your question as to whether it’s hot outside, or the one who sits next to the granny in ‘Airplane’.

 

There’s a Facebook group that has 1,200 members that says: “We hate Gary Danielson”, as well as ones that say: “Remove Gary Danielson from SEC Football Broadcasts“. The vitriol is borderline hilarious.

The weird thing about Danielson is that on the field, he’s had a better career than Kirk Herbstreit who is the ‘Golden Boy’ of ESPN (still, because he never seems to age much, although his skin is getting oranger as he tucks into the ‘sunny bed’ before the start of College Football season). Sure, his career at Purdue was extremely mediocre/ total shite (to use the British vernacular) , with an untidy 45.7 completion rate with 14 TDs and 30 INTs, but he was at least a three-year starter, so he probably knows what he’s talking about.

Danielson actually was a better NFL player. He still ranks fourth in Detroit Lions history for passing yards, and fifth in passing yards and, er, interceptions. He played sparingly for the Cleveland Browns, but kept a job.

But off the field, we haven’t come across many people who think he’s great. In the least.

The way that he fawns over every head coach who’s team is winning is vomitous. It’s like a verbal fellatio session over Nick and Kirby during a time when the men are concentrating on pain, not pleasure.

His voice grates through your bones like a steam train. He refuses to let a ‘moment’ just to remain a ****ing moment. No-one needs your expert opinion on a Kick-6, Gary. Just let the fans go absolutely mental for a minute, and then give your expert opinion. Which no-one sitting at home will care about because they are either crying with joy or are reaching for the Bud Light to launch at the TV.

The voice is so grating for people like me that I’ll actually turn the volume off when watching the CBS coverage, or watch it in a bar where no-one cares about Gary’s thoughts on how much Kirby’s visor suits him today. I’m not alone, I’m sure.

One of his lowest moments was when a woman was hit on the sideline of a Georgia v Auburn game, and Danielson had the audacity to ask if the woman was paying attention. This happened three years ago, and yet it still gets brought up.

And while Herbstreit would be the angry frat boy at the bar screaming at you at 2am when you make a comment along the lines of “Gee, Kirby is off his game today: “Why motherf**er?! Why do you hate my analysis?”, Danielson shrugs his shoulders and says: “The fans have a right to their opinion.

And while that’s admirable, maybe Gary Danielson should look back at his tapes and work out that – after 16 years at CBS – that he might want to use his last year with CBS (We don’t think he’ll be doing the Big Ten next year) to do something that he should have done years ago: Shut up.