Texas A&M vs Georgia: Barking Predictions
Texas A&M visits Georgia for the first time in its SEC history. For CBS, Gary Danielson will try and sound sympathetic if a football player runs into a photographer (probably for the first time in history), and Brad Nessler will call his buddy ‘pardner’, like he was John Wayne in an ole shoot-out movie (as he does every week).
It would be strange if anything else – like an upset in Texas A&M’s favour – happened.
But that’s not the important part that you should pay attention.
It’s the parallels you should pay attention to:
- They both have weird affections for dogs
Texas A&M takes the affection for the canine to a whole new level. Aggies fans worship Reveille (it’s actually pronounced ‘Rev-e-llie’ in Texan, but it actually means ‘dream’ in French), a Lassie-Hound that’s hair and features are more manicured than some of its oil booster fanbase, which stars people who are 70 but try to look 40….in all sort of areas. Anyway, Reveiille has its own handler to take it to class, and there’s some law that if the dog barks in class, then everyone gets the class off. That’s led to many-a-student trying every trick in the book to get Lassie to roar, but apparently scaring The Cult’s idol will neither get you in their good books or get you out of class.
While Georgia dresses up its bulldog and puts him either on ice in his kennel (in hot weather), or sits in a kennel (cold weather), the lovely bulldog comes with a handler, which is a good thing, because of otherwise he would still be clamped onto that Auburn player’s leg.
Oh, and both sets of fans have graves for their dogs after they pass away.
UGA BARKING AIN’T GONNA GET Y’ALL OUT OF CLASS!! Georgia 0, Texas A&M 1
- The chants, the chants, the chants
In the dog tradition, Georgia fans love to bark at you. I don’t for the life at me know why, but when some fairly rotund 40-year old ex-frat boy called Forrest who’s with his fraternity brother’s real estate company in an effort to keep his wife – who he met while she was searching for her MRS degree – decides its OK to bark like a bulldog (gruffness included), that’s not only stupid, but it’s really weird.
We don’t mind the ‘It’s great to be, a Georgia Bulldog’. It’s fine as a chant.
But Texas A&M, dear God. Aggie fans seem to have a chant for just about anything. The students are required to stand through every play so that if required, one of them can come on as the 12th Man, as happened back in their history. The 12th Man thing has been going far longer than Seattle’s effort, and the two sides managed to come to an agreement to stop legalities getting out of hand). Most students simply stand up throughout a game….but with Texas A&M it’s a THING. Oh, and the chants aren’t chats….THEY ARE GODAMMNED YELLS. They even have a practice for them, and away fans give them a spot too. If you watch it happen, the Yell leaders leading the way look like an 80s boybands – albeit with crew-cuts dressed up in overalls.
Texas A&M doesn’t have female cheerleaders or dance teams, where Georgia does. Georgia 1, Texas A&M 1…BUT A&M HAVE THEM CHANTS!! Georgia 1, Texas A&M 2
They both weirdly despise a local rival
Georgia really hates Georgia Tech. They might spit bullets about other SEC rivals, but they have a chant that ends ‘To Hell With Georgia Tech’. Even if Georgia was one of the best teams in college football and Georgia Tech was one of the worst (like this season), Georgia fans still dislike their, ahem, more intelligent rival, called them ‘The Nerds”, disregarding the fact that Georgia Tech alums are probably going to make a shedload more money, on average.
Texas A&M also despises the ‘establishment school’ in the same state, singing a song that includes the words “Saw Varsity’s Horns Off”, flashing the ‘Texas Middle Finger’ (Horns Down), and despite moving to the SEC, still celebrate a Texas loss almost more than a Texas A&M win. The sad fact? The two teams haven’t played each other since A&M’s move to the Big 12 and most ADs got their panties in a twist, and the fans have followed suit, saying: “I don’t wanna play those ****ers anyway”, which is really a lie, because we all know they’d kill to make it happen.
Georgia gets the point, because Georgia actually plays its local rival. Georgia 2, Texas A&M 2
They have awesome and weird heroes
Georgia has Herschel Walker. Walker – immortalised by Larry Munson’s call – was one of the best running backs college football has ever seen. In his 3 years in college, he never had less than a 1,600 rushing yard, 15 TD season (his freshman season), and a Heisman to boot (1982).
Texas A&M has Johnny Manziel. Manziel was amazing during his freshman year, duking, flying and embarrassing Alabama’s defense was a highlight of his career, and he took home a Heisman. Right now, he’s probably doing mounds of blow in the Nissan Heisman House – a reason why he’s never appeared in one of their cringeworthy ads. A
But for sheer weirdness, there’s A&M’s 12th Man, EE King Gill, who was pulled off the stands in 1921 and helped the team to a major upset. He was A&M’s Rudy, except A) He was more useful than Rudy B) He didn’t appear in Lord Of The Rings C) Has a statue outside Kyle Field and D) Texas A&M got a patent for the 12th Man thing in 1990. Because of him A&M students stand up all game, ready to get the call to play if needed.
Georgia wins for the Heisman, A&M wins for the weirdness: Georgia 3, Texas A&M 3
NFL logos, yo!
The Seattle Seahawks got crazy about the whole 12th Man thing in 2006, throwing out the 12th Man thing like it was something original. Texas A&M got angry, and promptly sued Seattle because NO-ONE DISRESPECTS THE 12TH MAN AND TRIES TO MAKE MONEY OFF HIS BRAVERY LIKE THAT, YOU NORTHWESTERN, LIBERAL HIPPIES (Apart from us but that’s different!!). Anyway, Seattle chilled out a bit and paid the Aggies $100,000 of apology money plus $5,000 a year to Texas A&M for use of the 12th Man logo. That was upped to $140,000 in the new deal in $140,000. In other words, don’t say the words “12th Man” in a bar or you’ll get your ass sued.
Georgia’s ‘G’ was another bone of contention. If you look at it, Georgia’s ‘G’ and that of the Green Bay Packers are exactly the same. Believe me, I spent ages comparing the two until I decided I would look it all up on the Internet Superhighway. Green Bay invented the forward-looking ‘G’ first in 1961, and in 1963 Georgia reinvented its ‘G’ too. But it didn’t end up in financial fistfights like it did with the oil barons of Texas and tech hippies of Seattle. Green Bay gave its permission, and both sides are using it quite happily. And no ass has talked ‘double G cross-branding’ either, which is a delight.
Texas A&M vs Seattle was more fun: Georgia 3, Texas A&M 4.
So who’s going to win the actual game on Saturday?
Texas A&M’s defense is actually pretty stout (23 per game, 23rd in the country) and this should make it interesting against a Georgia offense that has sputtered all year long. It will have to have some long, long drives if Texas A&M’s punter Braden Mann is up to his usual standards. But Georgia’s defense is amazing, and we think it will get it done against a Texas A&M offense that is pretty medicore. If they swamp Kellen Mond, the Bulldogs will coast.
Georgia’s a 13-1/2 point favourite, but wins by 10.
SO IT’S ALL EQUAL……except Georgia’s going to win the more important game.
There are other SEC games this week. We’ve got Tennessee to beat Missouri (-4) on the road by 7, LSU (-41) to beat Arkansas by 35, Vanderbilt to beat East Tennessee State by 21, Auburn (-48) to beat Samford by 31, Alabama (-61) to beat Western Carolina by 54, Kentucky to beat UT-Martin by 31 and Mississippi State to tune up Abeline Christian by 28.