Post Week 11 SEC rankings: No beastiality thanks, but LSU rule
LSU’s band’s commitment to asking Alabama fans to commit beastiality on Mike The Tiger was evident on Saturday night, after the Tigers finally beat Alabama 46-41 in Tuscaloosa.
It was a fantastic game. LSU plundered points from Alabama miscues, flying out to a 33-13 lead at half-time, before deciding to play conservatively, helping the Tide to roar back within 6. Then Joe Brady took the microphone back over, the spread offense which has entertained us all season long came back into action, and Clyde Edwards-Helaire’s touchdown in the final breaths of the game virtually confirmed victory. And to make matters better, Justin Jefferson, brother of one of the most hated LSU quarterbacks in history (Jordan), caught the onside kick that sealed the victory.
LSU fans will insist to you that it “wasn’t close”, and that’s a lie. It was close. But had LSU gone Big 12-style for four quarters, Alabama would have been blown out of the water.
And the game would have gone on for 5 hours.
Anyway, here are our rankings – this time in how they would play or have played against a truly awful team in Missouri:
- LSU (9-0): Need we say more. Would flatten Missouri.
- Alabama (8-1): The offense is a lot of fun to watch, while the young defense is excruciating for everyone who’s an Alabama fan….and no-one who isn’t. Hasn’t played Missouri, but would kill them.
- Georgia (8-1): The Bulldogs trundled to a comfortable victory over Missouri. Helped by the fact that they’ve got an awesome defense, Kelly Bryant wasn’t playing and the usual inept offensive playcalling from Missouri, Georgia coasted. The only reason why they are No.3 here is that their loss to South Carolina is looking worse and worse. And worse.
- Florida (8-2): Smashed Vanderbilt. Then again, anyone not called Missouri has smashed Vanderbilt this season. Florida will play Missouri on Saturday. Chalk up another ‘W’.
- Auburn (7-2): Beat Bye Week, which lessened the heat under Gus Malzahn’s ass. Now the heat will return in a defensive war against Georgia on Saturday. We think that even with their putrid offense they could score a hatful against Missouri. And concede nothing.
- Texas A&M (6-3): STILL THE BEST THREE-LOSS TEAM IN COLLEGE FOOTBALL, YO. Some people on Twitter took to making fun of Texas’ celebrations of beating a ranked opponent on Saturday. Until it was pointed out that the last ranked opponent that Texas A&M beat was last season. Still, Texas A&M could beat Missouri comfortably, even if Missouri isn’t ranked. Which they aren’t. Because they suck.
- Tennessee (5-5): The Vols are exploding. There’s no way to put it. The goal-line stand against Kentucky was something special. Jarrett Guarantano is looking semi-OK as a quarterback. They could finish the season 7-5 with wins over Missouri and Vanderbilt (Hint: Both will happen).
- Kentucky (4-5): The Wildcats were poor against Tennessee, and blew a 13-0 lead to lose 17-13. We don’t know if it’s the chat about Mark Stoops going to Florida State or something else, but something’s not right with Big Blue. But they beat the pants off Missouri this season.
- Ole Miss (4-6): The Rebels aren’t particularly great, but their win over New Mexico State at least put some smiles on faces in Oxford. They lost earlier to Missouri this season, but right now, we’d make them a touchd0wn favorite.
- Mississippi State (4-6): The Egg Bowl is going to be disgustingly putrid this year. The Bulldogs still have a chance to go bowling if they win two out of three of their next games. Sadly for them, one of those teams on the schedule isn’t Missouri.
- South Carolina (4-6): HOW IN SWEET GOD’S NAME DID THIS TEAM BEAT GEORGIA? The Gamecocks were utterly inept against Appalachian State. Bryan Edwards gave the Gamecocks a prayer at the end of the game, but this crapshow of a performance has made the grumbling start about Will Muschamp. And deservedly so. Oh, and this team lost to Missouri this season. So they suck.
- Vanderbilt (2-7): How do you move up a spot when you’ve just been shellacked on the road by Florida? Because you shellacked Missouri. Will Derek Mason keep his job? His players might run through the wall for him, but the board of trustees might not.
- Missouri (5-4): Here’s the weird thing: If Missouri win two out of the next three games (and the last two are against Tennessee and Arkansas), they will finish an almost-respectable 7-5. But the offense is wrong, and frankly, Barry Odom and Derek Dooley have to go. This team is also incredible at beating itself.
- Arkansas (2-8): The Razorbacks just ***-canned Chad Morris. Which is good for fans in Fayetteville, because he was terrible. There is so much wrong with the program that it’s maddening and saddening. Just remember: They fired Brett Bielema because he wasn’t ‘doing the job’ for the team. As Jenn Bielema would say, karma. Oh, and they play Missouri at the end of the season which could see their first SEC win since October 28th, 2017.