Manning or Newton: A SEC fan’s rooting guide to the Super Bowl
With Cam Newton and Peyton Manning playing in Super Bowl 50, SEC schools can claim that this year is THEIR Super Bowl. And they’d be damned right too.
However, we all know that blood and hatred runs deeper than conference loyalty, and the names “Newton” and “Manning” will lead some SEC schools to spit bullets at the notion of people rooting for him.
So here’s what fans of 14 SEC school fans said to us about who they are rooting for on Sunday:
- Auburn – Newton. After all, we paid him enough to go here, and he won us a SEC Championship, a National Championship and a win over Alabama.
- Tennessee – Manning. Because He is God.
- Alabama – Manning. Because Newton went to THAT school on The Plains. Even though Manning went to Tennessee and Dad and brother went to Ole Miss…we hate $cam Newton. Right, Harvey Updyke?
- LSU – Newton. Because anyone who pisses off Alabama fans is good for a few rums with us.
- Arkansas – Neutral. Hey guys! We’ve only been in the SEC since 1998! This ain’t our fight!
- Florida – Newton. Hell, he was recruited by us before he was booted for stealing a $1,700 laptop. Plus, if Cam wins it’s another chance to laugh at Peyton Manning, who could never beat Florida. And only 1 of the 4 games were close, too. You can’t spell Citrus with UT… And here’s a fun fact: In 2005 Peyton Manning had his number retired at Tennessee at the South Carolina game. South Carolina beat Tennessee that night. Who was the coach for South Carolina? Spurrier. That’s 5-0 to Spurrier, folks.
- Georgia – Manning. Newton played for Auburn, and Bulldogs fans hate Auburn. Don’t get the people in Athens wrong – they ain’t too fond of Manning either, but Auburn? Rooting for War Tiger’s like rootin’ for The Devil.
- Vanderbilt – Newton. Any player who’s had anything to do with Those Inbred Hill Dwellers should be ignored at every Vanderbilt alumni event on Wall Street. We at Vanderbilt, for the record, love the Super Bowl because it doesn’t interfere with the stock market.
- Texas A&M – Manning. Because Von Miller got him to the Super Bowl last Sunday, and he went to Texas A&M. Screw you, Texas!
- Kentucky – Manning. Because we ride with Danny Trevathan, our first team all-SEC player from 2012.
- Ole Miss – Manning. Because Peyton cheered on our Eli in his Super Bowls, and we’re being loyal to our Mannings and flying their flag. And their flag is a big ‘M’. And that ‘M’ is for Mississippi. The University of Mississippi. Some will be
- Mississippi State – Newton. Sure, we saved $180k by NOT signing him, but Ole Miss probably woulda complained and we would still be sufferin’. And there’s the fact that Manning’s family all went to Ole Miss. And every time those snobby assholes on The Grove are miserable, we’re happy. Hey, it’s not bitterness. It’s a fact.
- Missouri — Neutral. Hey man, we were a Big 12 team when Newton and Manning tore up the SEC, but with Shane Ray playing for the Broncos and Kony Ealy playing for the Panthers, we’re just cheering for Mizzou. Which is more cheering than we had during the 2015 season.
- South Carolina — Newton. Doesn’t the name CAROLINA say it all for you, stupid?