Dawgs bark, Tide rolls, Gators chomped, Everyone prays: SEC Rankings (Week 9)

It was a horrible week in the SEC.

After Ole Miss tries to recover from the car crash that killed THREE of its students in a car crash, news comes out this weekend that brother and sister both die in a car crash. RIP, Sarah and James Wheat. Prayers are with the Wheat family.

Second, Marcus Lattimore gets a horror show of an injury in South Carolina’s game against Tennessee. You mean, the kid needs MORE HARDSHIP, God? The injury is gruesome. If you really want to see, it, click here (for the record, we haven’t even watched it again). From a football perspective, this deprives South Carolina of a much-needed weapon. From a human perspective, this may well deprive the Lattimore family of their hopes and dreams in the future. Hang in there, Family Lattimore.

Oh, and the football. While Tennessee and South Carolina players prayed for Marcus Lattimore, the Chippy Drunkfest known as the World’s Biggest Outdoor Cocktail Party took place in Jacksonville, where Georgia played less badly than Florida and caused the upset. The game was big for penalties. And interceptions. That’s about it. And in Tuscaloosa, Machine Known As Alabama smote the Cowbell, and things only got worse for Auburn, as they were destroyed. At home. Against Texas A&M. Oh, and Missouri got its first win of its SEC career, defeating the mighty Kentucky. Ole Miss got its second win of the SEC schedule beating Arkansas on a last-minute field goal, and Vanderbilt – as predicted – destroyed U-Mass. Oh, and the fireworks were cool, too.

So here are the rankings – we’re going to go with Fun’s “Some Nights”. WARNING: It’s very catchy and moreish. SECOND WARNING: It’s got Civil War re-enactment. If you’re into that sort of thing.

Anyways:

1) Alabama – The Unstoppable Machine grabbed Mississippi State’s Cowbell and rammed it where the sun doesn’t shine. Nick Saban’s great highlight of the game was going ape at one of his defenders in the first half. Wow. That guy can explode.

2) LSU – We can’t wait for the Alabama- LSU clash in Baton Rouge on Saturday. At night. This is going to be Hurricane Cocktail.

3) Georgia – Jarvis Jones is a freak. In Manti Te’o’s a Heisman candidate, then there’s no reason that The Destroyer shouldn’t be, either. Jones may well be the No.1 NFL Draft pick in 2013, too. Oh, and Malcolm Mitchell gave the team a reason to celebrate on Flag Day.

4) Florida – Lost the Chippy Drunkfest, committing a multitude of turnovers in the process. Jeff Driskel and the Florida offensive line was torched by the Georgia rush (now THAT’s something that you don’t say every week), but they seemed to find a groove when they double-teamed Jarvis Jones. Until Jordan Reed went for six and had the ball punched out by – guess who – Jarvis Jones. And then cried.

5) South Carolina – All prayers to the South Carolina Nation after Marcus Lattimore’s injury. All we can say is that we are sorry.

6) Texas A&M – A&M had their trip to Auburn won when it scored 21 in practically no-time in the first half. Auburn wasn’t coming back. It didn’t. In fact, the Tigers got worse. That kid Johnny Manziel’s good, by the way.

7) Mississippi State – Cowbell’d in Tuscaloosa. There’s not a lot else you can say, apart from that at least our question “Who has Mississippi State played again?” was answered. Emphatically.

8) Ole Miss – Ole Miss’ season might have been one of the more exciting this season. On an emotional night for the Ole Miss Nation (see links above), The Rebs won on a last-second field goal at Arkansas, giving them their second SEC win of the year. They don’t do things easy, by God.

9) Tennessee – This team isn’t as bad as their record suggests. We promise. But that’s not going to help Derek Dooley.

10) Vanderbilt – They won. They hammered U-Mass. They finished homecoming with some cool fireworks. Ooh. Aah.

11) Arkansas – Did things the hard way and we really thought the Razorbacks would pull this one out. They didn’t, losing in a heartbreaker. Still, Tyler Wilson and Cobi Hamilton look like NFL Draft Picks, don’t they?

12) Missouri – Victory against Kentucky guarantees that they aren’t the worst team in the SEC East this year. Only one of them.

13) Kentucky – We can now unequivocally say two things: Kentucky isn’t the worst team in the SEC (that’s Auburn). And Joker Phillips is going to get fired at the end of the season.

14) Auburn – We can now unequivocally say two things: Auburn is the worst team in the SEC. And Gene Chizik should get fired at the end of the season. Could this team actually lose to 1-7 New Mexico State next week?